


and in all darkness, you’re my light

by softbrio



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Gun Violence, Hurt, Mild Blood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Rio (Good Girls), but he's still irrelevant, fluff at the end, kind of??, mentions of Dean, okay i'll tag it, sometime in s3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29115453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softbrio/pseuds/softbrio
Summary: and it was the first time she ever felt it. the room went dark by the second, like someone was just dimming the lights. she felt someone trying to lift her up, barely being able to make out a voice nonetheless recognize it. but her brain still did.“Elizabeth,”
Relationships: Beth Boland/Rio
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	and in all darkness, you’re my light

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mess and also i just wanna say the timeline of the recovery in this is hella unrealistic. I did so much research and apparently bullet wounds take like 8 months to a year to heal and i didn't want to time jump that far so i just settled on a month lmao. 
> 
> also the timeline of this when it comes to canon and stuff is that it's set sometime after season three of what we as viewers saw. so like after fitzpatrick said he was putting them back on the schedule and after beth showed rio the hot tub store.

Beth stared at the reflection in the mirror, she didn’t even recognize herself anymore. She didn’t recognize who she was becoming. But it was him—she was becoming him. And maybe it was all making sense now, that she had to kill the king to be the king. But she didn’t want to be king, she just wanted him gone. It didn’t work when she did it herself, Max couldn’t do either, their only other option was Fitzpatrick. 

Now almost all of their cut later, they were back on the schedule. Friday at eleven a.m. They would be free. They could be good people again. But the twinge in Beth’s stomach was still there, and she knew exactly what it was about. _You don’t kill something you love._ All of her tried convincing herself. It wasn’t her, it’s the money. But she just couldn’t. She couldn’t go through it again

_“Beth, you need an intervention. You haven’t left the house in two weeks,” Annie said, concerned about her sister. Dean took the kids to his mothers, for once doing something to protect them, and Beth in return._

_”No,” she replied, turning away from Annie, twisting the sheets that were covering her. Ruby had tried the same things three days ago, but Annie wasn’t going to give up like that. Determined, she toppled onto her sister, forcing her on her back. “Annie!”_

_“I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to do,” she replied, literally dragging Beth out of the bed and on her feet. Beth immediately retaliated, trying to fight her way back to her bed, but Annie’s grip around her was too strong. Instead she just sobbed, her weakness from not eating causing her to collapse in Annie’s arms._

_“I just fucking regret it so much,” she said between sobs._

The car door slammed, Beth pulling out the paper that he had given her. The schedule— _his_ schedule. She quickly scanned for eleven o’clock, and the last sound she could make out clearly was tires screeching as she floored it all the way there. 

* * *

His black g wagon sat empty in the distance, and Beth didn’t even have time to look for a spot on the street. She went right into the vacant warehouse that Fitzpatrick had taken her to, where he was going to do it from. She couldn’t get out of the van fast enough, absolutely booking it up the flight of stairs. _10:56._

Beth searched the entire second floor, running through it like it was one of those glass houses you see at a carnival. She hadn’t remembered where he had taken her that day, signifying that she was just trying to get it out of her mind. 

“Didn’t think you’d want to be here for this,” she heard a voice call out. Stopping in her tracks, Beth turned to find him at the same window. The sound of her heels clicking echoed through the warehouse as she couldn’t get to him faster. 

“I don’t,” Beth told him, out of breath. “Because it’s not happening,” 

“Too late, just can’t call off your hit,” Fitzpatrick replied, looking into the scope. She snapped her fingers to get his attention again. 

“But I can, I’m doing it right now,” 

“This is why I don’t do lovers,” Beth nearly snapped at his comment. _10:58._ She couldn’t run out of the room faster, practically falling down the stairs, bolting across the street. All of a sudden she felt herself run into someone, felt a hand go around her back, another one on her wrist. It was him.

“What the hell?” Beth looked up to see an angry Rio staring down at her, still holding onto her like a child. He stepped back against the wall, out of Fitzpatrick’s view. 

“I don’t have time to explain,” she told him.

“Need you to,” he replied, letting go of her. Beth took a deep breath, on the verge of tears.

“I put a hit on you and it was stupid, I tried to take it back but he said I can’t,” she explained, pulling out her phone. _10:59._ Her breathing started to get heavy, shaking from her anxiety. Rio licked his bottom lip, and she thought he was just going to explode. “We have one minute.” 

“Jesus Christ,” was all that Rio said at first, “where is he?” 

“Warehouse across the street. Second floor,” Beth replied, watching as her phone clock changed. _11:00._ Her brain didn’t even have time to register anything before Rio was walking out into the open. “No!” she yelled, running out after him. And it was like she could see the trigger being pulled, because it was exactly when she jumped in front of him, hitting the ground seconds later.

And it was the first time she ever felt it. The room went dark by the second, like someone was just dimming the lights. She felt someone trying to lift her up, barely being able to make out a voice nonetheless recognize it. But her brain still did. 

“Elizabeth,” 

She couldn’t decide which was worse; the metallic taste in her mouth, or the throbbing pain of her right shoulder. Then she coughed—blood. Her vision was still blurry, but all she could make out was a figure wrapping something on her shoulder, pushing her hair out of her face, trying to snap her out of it. It was the voice again, but more words this time. 

“Elizabeth, I need you to wake up for me, yeah?” It was Rio, she knew that. But why he was doing this was something that she would never be able to answer. And it was odd; because she didn’t think of her kids, or Annie and Ruby, or even Dean. She thought about him. About why he wasn’t leaving her like she did to him. Why he wasn’t running away while blood ran out of her mouth. Then her eyes snapped open, like a switch. And for the first time since they met, she saw fear in his eyes.

“Just like that, need you to stay awake,” she heard him say, “gonna carry you to my car. You’re gonna be okay mama.” She coughed again—even more blood. It had to just been flowing out of her mouth by now. He picked her up, carrying her to the g wagon, lying her down in the passenger seat. 

“Rio,” she coughed before he closed the door. It had to be the first time she’s ever said his name, from what she remembers. “I’m sorry.” And all he did was shut the door. 

Climbing in the driver’s side, Rio couldn’t start the car fast enough, while reaching into Beth’s jacket pocket to get her phone. 

“To what do I owe this pleasure sis?” It was Annie. He called Annie, and Beth nearly wanted to cry at the sound of her sister’s voice. 

“Yo,” Rio said into the phone. 

“Gangfriend? What did I say about stealing phones,” 

“I don’ got time for this,” he replied angrily, “hospital at 7th and Boulevard. Call her friend too.” It was all he said before hanging up. The last thing he needed was for a cop to pull him over for being on the phone. Beth then grabbed onto the center console, the pain hitting her again as Rio blew through a yellow light that turned red. Her eyes closed shut again, and she started to gag on the blood she was trying to hold back. 

Rio grabbed a towel that he had in his gym back from the back seat, throwing it over on the floor mat in front of her. Beth didn’t even need him to say anything before she was leaning over, coughing up more blood. She slammed her back into the seat afterwards, letting out a breathy groan.

“Almost there,” he said, reassuring her. 

“If you run one more red light I-” she started, cut off by her urge to scream, trying to keep it in. Rio could tell she was starting to close her eyes again.

“What’s on the kids’ schedule next month?” he asked. Beth’s eyes shot open, her head turning over to look at him. 

“What?” 

“What they got going on?” he asked again. 

“Jane has soccer, Emma wants me to put her in dance,” she started, stopping in pain again. “Kenny’s been begging me to not put him in swim this year.” 

“What happened to keepin’ ‘em busy?” Rio laughed. 

“What are you doing?”

“Distracting you, ma,” he admitted. “Don’ know if you noticed, but you wanna keep closing your eyes. It’s dangerous, lowers your heart rate.” 

“ _Why_ are you doing this for me?” Beth asked, and she’s wanted to know since he carried her to his car. 

“Wasn’t gonna leave you there after you just took a bullet for me,” he replied. 

“I didn-”

“Stop being your stubborn self, Elizabeth. I don’t even know how you could justify what you did,” he told her. 

“Adrenaline is crazy, right?” Beth said, letting out a breathy laugh. 

“Think that was more than adrenaline, ma,” 

* * *

The next time Beth woke up, it was to the bright lights of the hospital room. The machines beeping were enough to give her headache. She turned her head to see Rio in a chair next to her, typing away on his phone. 

“Hey,” she whispered, which caught his attention. He got up and moved closer to her.

“How you feeling?” he asked. The question was all too familiar.

_How you feeling, mama?_

_Nauseous_

“Great,” Beth replied, it must be the high of the painkillers they have her on that would make her say that. “Still a little nauseous, though.” 

“Yeah?” Rio asked, “still surprised you didn’t throw up back in the car.” She brought her hand that she could still move to her face, squeezing the bridge of her nose in pain, trying to calm down her borderline migraine that was starting. 

“How long have I been out?” she asked. Rio looked at his phone for the clock. 

“Couple hours, got outta surgery about an hour ago maybe,” he told her. Beth threw her head against the pillow, letting out the cutest noise of frustration that he’s ever heard. Then she frantically lifted her head after a couple minutes, searching for her phone. “What is it?”

“Dean’s still my emergency contact,” she nervously blurted out, which gained a chuckle from Rio.

“Told them not to call him,” he said to her, "but your girls are here if you wanna see them." Beth nodded as Rio stepped into the hallway, Annie bolting in not even seconds later, rushing to her side. 

"Beth, what the hell?" she asked, "you know what? I don't even wanna know." Ruby came trailing in a couple seconds after her.

"Annie!" she yelled, "you don't even see if she's okay?" Annie stuck her tongue out at her as Ruby parked her scooter on the other side of the hospital bed. 

"Guys, I'm okay. Really," Beth told them. 

"Says the girl who just got shot!" Annie exclaimed, "how did this happen anyway?" 

"And more importantly, how is home boy still alive?" Ruby added to the question. Beth didn't even have time to answer when her sister finally put two and two together, realizing everything that had happened.

"Gangfriend is still alive because _she_ took the bullet," Annie stated, Ruby's mouth wide open like it was the day at the bar.

_"I'll tell you what's gotten into her. Gangfriend,"_

_"Don't look at me like that,"_

"You guys don't get to judge me," Beth said.

"Oh no, we do," Annie started. She was furious, just like she was when she found out about her sister and Rio. She had the same look, because she knew that this wasn't going to end well for them again. "We put out a hit on this guy. With the money from our cuts, just for you to go and screw it up!" 

"Annie," she ignored Ruby's protests. 

"But after everything he put you, us, through. You still chose him," Annie's words sunk through Beth like a ship. No matter what way you looked at it, whatever side you looked in from, she _did_ choose him. Because she couldn't go through the pain again. 

"Do you remember the day you dragged me out of my bed," Beth said after what felt like minutes of silence, "i said I fucking regretted it. I couldn't do it again."

"What?"

"I couldn't feel like nothing again," 

* * *

Beth jumped up to the same taste in her mouth. She's had the same nightmare for the past week now, and it was pretty much anytime she fell asleep now. It had been five weeks and all Beth was tired of was being stuck. She wasn't even stuck physically anymore. Surprisingly, her wound healed in a matter of weeks, the doctors saying that she got lucky as it had been a pretty small bullet. It was emotionally, though, that she felt stuck. Her nightmare never ended with how it did in real life. What always woke her up was her being left there, like she had did to him. And she had never made it past that point. 

She looked down at Dean, lying face down next to her. He had been up every single time her nightmare woke her up, and she doesn't blame him for being exhausted. _She_ was exhausted. But she was up enough that she finally needed to do it, she needed answers. Which is what caused Beth to start the ignition to the van twenty minutes later, and eventually pulling up to the last place she would want to be. 

She had known where he lived now, Mick accidentally letting it slip at a drop. Well, his Siri let it slip. But her hand stayed in the air for awhile, like she was reconsidering her options for a second. But she _had_ to do it, she had to know. 

The door swung open, a tired Rio rubbing his eyes, looking at the clock. "What the hell?" he asked. Beth wasn't even aware that there were tears streaming down her face.

"Why did you do it?" she asked. A puzzled look appeared across his face, as he grabbed her hand, pulling her inside the apartment. "Why didn't you leave me there, like I did to you?" 

"I told you why," he told her, alluding to the fact that he told her that day in his car. 

"But I don't get it," Beth replied, "i want to get it." Rio didn't reply, instead he completely ignored her statement.

"You havin' nightmares?" he asked her. She looked back at him like she had just seen a ghost. Was it really that obvious?

"Every time I fall asleep," she told him, "except you leave." 

Rio walked closer to her, brushing her messy hair out of her face, leaving his thumb on her chin. And it was the first time they stood like this since she shot him. The first time that they felt like their old selves again. "Couldn't leave you there, no matter how hard I tried," he explained, "kept seein' your daughter's face. It wouldn't leave my mind." 

Beth just stared at him for awhile, and eventually leaned her head into his chest. She was just so tired, mentally and physically. "I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"For leaving you there that day it's just," she explained, "Turner and everything. I just wanted it to be over." Rio walked her over to his bed, lying her down but also being careful to keep her off of her right shoulder. He started to walk away when her hand caught his, pulling him back into her view. "Please," Rio looked down at her teary face softly before walking around the bed, climbing in on the other side, and pressing up against her. He gently rested an arm around her waist, while also hooking a leg around hers. "When does it end?" she asked.

"Never really ends," he replied, "you just get used to it." Beth drifted back to sleep, and it was the first time in the past month that she didn't wake up in fear from her never ending nightmare. 

Rio nuzzled his face into her hair, and tonight he was thankful. Thankful for one thing only.

That she was alive. 

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh!! also a little author note that when i said "that she was alive" it implies that he was scared that she was gonna die ugh my mind !! this has to be the most intense fic i wrote ever and i am so excited to share it! i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it :)


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